hari ini 21 April diperingati seluruh rakyat Indonesia sebagai hari Kartini. Hari pergerakan kaum wanita, mencoba berpartisipasi dalam budaya patriarki. imo Kartini mungkin dalam bidang pendidikan tidak seberpengaruh Ki Hajar Dewantara. tapi perjuangan Kartini, membangkitkan kaum wanita yang pada waktu itu kebanyakan perannya hanya sebagai objek dan konco wingking sangatlah patut diacungi jempol. Beliau adalah simbol pemberontakan kaum wanita pada budaya patriarkis di jawa, dan akhirnya merambat menyebarluas keseluruh pelosok negeri, dan kita kenal pahlawan kebangkitan lainnya seperti Dewi Sartika.

Mari kita sedikit menengok sejarah Ibu Kartini, beliau adalah putri Bupati Rembang dari salah satu istrinya. saya curiga Gadis Pantainya Pramudya Ananta Toer itu adalah kisah dari ibunya RA Kartini (well let say my imagination goes wild).

Pada akhirnya marilah kita perempuan generasi masa kini janganlah nyinyir kepada RA Kartini dengan membanding2kan kontribusi beliau dengan tokoh pendidikan lain. Tadi saya baca di timeline ada yang membandingkan dengan jasa HR Rasuna Said. well if you afford to buy unlimited service in your blackberry i am sure you could at least take a peek in wikipedia, HR Rasuna said was born in 1910 long after the death of RA Kartini. well imo HR Rasuna Said dan para perempuan hebat lainnya tidak akan mencapai pencapain seperti saat ini apabila RA Kartini tidak berani “memberontak”.

Saya cukup bangga sebagai warga negara Indonesia, negara dengan populasi penduduk muslim terbesar didunia. yang oleh dunia barat sebagian besar memandang Islam sebagai agama yang misoginis, pernah dipimpin oleh presiden wanita terlepas dari segala sepak terjang beliau yah.

Membuktikan bahwa kaum wanita di negara ini cukup diperhitungkan,

well bagi saya pria dan wanita adalah sama saja, hanya dalam keluarga dan masyarakat mereka mempunyai tugas masing masing.

Saya hidup di lingkungan keluarga yang dipenuhi dengan wanita wanita tangguh. Dan berharap suatu saat saya bisa menjadi wanita tangguh juga, seorang wanita tangguh akan menghasilkan anak anak yang siap berperan dan “bertempur” dalam masyarakat.

andai saja RA Kartini bisa melihat wanita masa sekarang ini, beliau pasti akan sangat bangga.

kita memang hidup dalam dunia laki laki, dimana mereka semua mendominasi hampir segala segi dari perekonomian sama dunia politik tapi bukan berarti wanita tidak bisa ikut berkontribusi.

behind every great man there’s great woman and vice versa

so mari berhenti dan keluar dari anggapan kuno kalau wanita harus begini dan kalau pria harus begitu. dua duanya makhluk ciptaan Tuhan punya perasaan dan punya hati.

Untuk para Kartini Kartini masa kini, para perempuan tangguh di seluruh Indonesia selamat hari kebangkitan perempuan. mari kita teruskan perjuangan Kartini dengan menjadi wanita wanita yang bermanfaat bagi keluarga dan masyarakat.

Salam hormat saya untuk Raden Ajeng Kartini ,…. salut.

I sometimes wonder, how could someone who was so shy and introvert turns in to biggest jerk and player in the world.

 

I barely know you now, the shy smiles turn into arrogant smirk, the stare down now turn into stare that make someone squirm (well particularly girls).

 

Dear God, i just want to know what’s gotten into him? Is this what they called as metamorphosis???

 

But i like the old you much

 

I am missing the shy and introvert guy that hold my hand through everythng

I dont need someone that come to me and say that he already conquered half of women populationout there. I wont feel proud if that guy (finally) choose to back to me. Honestly im disgusted.

 

I am missing the old you

 

You say that i change, well honey lemme tell you something everybody’s change .. but not so dramatic like yours. Everybody be more mature and responsible (well  most of them).

One thing that never change, i fall in love with that tall skinny guy with crew-cut hair, the one with welcoming smile and hug. The one that kiss me so tender and said that “we’re gonna be okay dont you worry”. The one that used to be care. the one that can handle my anger and my insecure.

 

I think you can not handle failure, and put that blame on me. And at the end of time, you decide to runaway. Run from everyone who care and love you. Decide to hide from your fear.

Life is not always sweet baby, being healed and being clean thats only the beginning, furthermoryou have to keep fighting.

 

For all those years, i close my eyes and my ears… i just hope they’re wrong and keep ln denial. When you told me that you want to go, to me it was “i give up” in another phrase.

 Thats fine i guess i should have said that long time ago. Or simply i should listen to them.

 

And the person who talk to me in webcam, thats no you. Thats someone else trap in your body.

He has your eyes, your voice, your tattoos and probably your heart.

If you met him, tell him to bring the old you back.

 

Hey kamu wanita penggoda! Yang berkedok mencari kebahagiaan

Tak sadarkah kamu betapa egoisnya kamu

Demi mengejar kebahagiaanmu berapa kebahagiaan yang kamu korbankan

Berapa anak yang mengalami trauma karena perbuatanmu

Dan berapa wanita yang menyandang status istri menumpahkan air mata karena kamu

 

Kamu adalah mahkluk paling bodoh!

Diperdaya lelaki atas nama cinta

Kamu orang paling bodoh dari yang terbodoh

Tempatmu sebenarnya bukan lah sebagai orang ketiga

Kamu layak menyandang gelar wanita satu satunya

Tapi kamu memilih mengincar posisi wanita lain

Teman satu jenismu

Coba tempatkan dirimu di posisinya

 

Hai wanita penggoda

Berdalih, urusan percintaan belum terselesaikan sesungguhnya adalah alas an paling menyedihkan

Terima lah kenyataan kalau pria itu tidak benar benar mencintaimu

Kalau dia cinta sama kamu dia akan melakukan apa saja untuk menikahi kamu

Dan sekarang setelah menikahi orang lain, kamu mau saja dijadikan affair oleh dia???

Kamu bukan barang sewaaan

Yang bias dipinjam dan dikembalikan setelah puas

 

Tai kucing dengan alas an kebahagiaan

Hanya orang sinting yang bias bahagia diatas kesedihan orang lain

Kalau kamu benar mencintai lelaki itu

Kamu juga mencintai darah dagingnya karena dia bagian dari lelakimu itu

Apa kamu tetap bahagia melihat bagian dari cintamu itu menangis

 

 

Pakai otakmu

Kita memang hidup di dunia laki laki

Mau tidak mau harus aku akui

Pandai pandailah memilah

Jangan jual dirimu terlalu murah

Kamu berhak mendapatkan lebih.

 

Hai wanita penggoda

Tak ada yang benar tentang perselingkuhan

 

 

 

Sometimes when reality bites you hard, and all goes wrong, and there are no u turn, no way out, only dead end.

Give up is not the solution, when you’re getting tired of fighting it just stop let them attack. Because you’ll survive ..

Problems, trouble never greater than your self.

When you start whining and complaining about your life.

See the people around, even the prettiest girl has a dark secret she’s not perfect like we always think that she was.

The cool guy that you’ve met in the other day, has a problem like yours as well.

Your big problem might be considered as the small one by others.

But small things for you might be the big one for others.

Its okay being cranky and grumpy sometimes, just don’t be ungrateful.

There will be rainbow after the storm,

Rain will stop soon, all you have to do is waiting.

Otherwise you could just walking in the rain.

Coz I’m sure you can make it thru the rain.

After all rain just water drops from the sky.

We need water to keep us alive

Rain wont stop at your complain nor at your anger.

Yes, I can make it thru the rain

Yes, I will say welcome to all my problems cos I cant wait to say goodbye to them as soon as possible.

Hadeuh .. I keep chanting to my self that its my choice to come back to this world.
Exactly the same with my previous hectic days .. With more addition on the pressure and paper work.
However I’ve decided to fully committed on this.

Well keep struggling for a better life and of course to paid all my bills

Jia yuo ..

akhir akhir ini sepakbola pada umumnya dan timnas pada khususnya menjadi topik hangat dimana mana. Euphoria yang ditimbulkan juga bukan main luar biasa.

Hal ini tentunya adalah karena pencapaian timnas indonesia yang tanpa pernah kalah dengan rekor yang sempurna melenggang ke final piala Suzuki AFF (well that record has just broken tonight as Malingsia beat Indonesia 3-0 in Bukit Jalil KL).

gak inget lagi kapan kita memenangkan sepakbola di tingkat internasional (asia tenggara lah at least). terakhir kali beberapa taun lalu waktu di piala apa saya lupa, sepertinya piala asia. Indonesia sekali menang lawan Bahrain, kalah lawan Arab (kalau nggak salah) dan saya dan Nisaa tak lama nekat nonton live dengan bela2in beli tiket di calo. jam kerja naek motor ke blok s janjian sama calo di dpn supermarket korea.  Waktu itu harga tiket masih terjangkau untuk kategori satu dijual 75 ribu, di mark up (karena beli dicalo) jadi 1ooribu.  Dan kita dipermalukan di kandang kita di stadion kebanggaan GBK dengan skor 3-0 oleh Korsel. kejadian itu mungkin kira kira sekitar taun 2006 atau 2007.

Dan sekarang empat tahun kemudian, timnas Indonesia melesat naik. membayar kesetiaan para suporter setia, tanpa cela selalu menang, menjadi juara grup, menyisihkan Philipine di babak semifinal.

Yah gebrakan baru memang diberikan Mr Alfred Riedl, pelatih berwajah strict dan berekspresi datar asal Austria ini, dinilai mampu mendongkrak prestasi timnas. Dan hal ini sebetulnya tak lepas dari keberanian Riedl memasang muka muka baru di timnas. contohnya Octo dan Arif Suyono. Dan Riedl berani membangku cadangkan Bambang Pamungkas (sigh) yg dianggap legend menyamai Kurniawan Dwi Yulianto pada jamannya. Riedl memasang pemain naturalisasi “El Locco” Christian Gonzales dan pemain muda yg besar di Belanda Irfan Bachdim. speaking of naturalisasi, kita patut bangga mampu menekuk Philipina yang hampir semua pemainnya adalah hasil naturalisasi sebut saja the handsome Younghusband brothers (aihh jadi ngeces ngebayangin).

oke enough dengan ke sok tau an saya mengenai timnas, Riedl dkk :p after all saya cuma pengamat amatir yang lebih demen mantengin pemaen lucu macam  Younghusband brothers atau menikmati permainan mengacak2 Arif Suyono dan Octo yang larinya sekencang jambret ke gep.

kita sudah dihajar bertubi tubi oleh bencana : dari tsunami di Aceh sampai paling terakhir Merapi dengan wedhus gembelnya. Dan juga isu isu BODOH mengenai kerukunan antarumat beragama.

Sekelompok orang yang berpakaian putih putih dan terkadang berjenggot dan mengklaim tanpa mereka jadi apa Indonesia (jadi damai maleh). Dan dalam setiap aksinya mereka selalu meneriakkan Allahuakbar, seolah2 Allah SWT hanya Tuhan mereka (guys cut the crap, Allah SWT is my God as well). oke, jadi mereka sepertinya bertindak atas kepentingan umat Islam yang minoritas di Indonesia, TAPI saya yang sebagai umat Islam MALU atas aksi mereka. Saya pikir nasionalisme mereka itu tidak ada, mereka tidak berusaha mempertahankan nilai2 adat istiadat Indonesia. tapi memaksakan hukum Islam kedalam masyarakat yang majemuk. Contoh kongkrit : membubarkan pertunjukan wayang karena dianggap mistik  atau musyrik atau syirik (WTF!!).

Well karena issue itu, masyarakat jadi sedikit terpecah. Para fanatik dan yang cenderung fanatik mendukung mereka. Golongan lain yang berpikiran lebih terbuka mencibir, mengutuk bahkan sebagian meludahi mereka. Saya pribadi  tidak mendukung penerapan hukum Islam di negara kita yang majemuk. Dan sangat tidak setuju dan mendukung aksi kelompok itu.

Balik lagi ke judul diatas, kegemilangan prestasi timnas di piala AFF Suzuki 2010 benar benar menyatukan kita.  Tidak lagi ada cibiran orang orang yang apatis (walaupun ada beberapa orang2 type Squidward yg menyindir masalah naturalisasi Gonzales dan masuknya Irfan Bachdim). Semua orang mulai berani menunjukkan kebanggaannya jadi orang Indonesia. Kaos Timnas Indonesia laris manis, dan fenomena yang membuat saya terharu : Nonton Bareng ( Nobar ) untuk menonton Timnas Indonesia diadakan di mall 2 dan kafe 2 atau tempat2 hang out lainnya. yang dulu gak pernah kita temukan.

Nasionalisme yang mulai menebal membuat terharu, mungkin skrg tak perlu baca buku Pramoedya atau memahami sejarah untuk bangga atas Indonesia, yah paling tidak merasa memiliki Indonesia. Dan semua itu simpel dibentuk lewat permainan sepakbola, antusiasme masyarakat walaupun event ini masih dalam tingkat Asia Tenggara layak diperhitungkan.

Just crossing in my mind, if the chairman of PSSI is not that dumb-ass Mr. Recidivist this euphoria might have started earlier. Yeah just my stupid opinion lah … (actually this guy makes stupid statement who exactly the same with the group that i mentioned in prev paragraph .. he once said : kalau bukan saya ketua PSSI Indonesia mau jadi apa? *pengsan di pojokan* so i am a bit curious are they related ? )

Semua orang (hampir semua) antusias menonton El Loco dan kawan kawan membela merah putih. Lagu yang diciptakan Bagus, Enno dan Coki Netral seolah terbayar lunas dengan prestasi mereka.  Lagu yamg diciptakan dengan beat siap bertempur skrg makin sering didengar.

Dan salah satu hal yang membuat saya berkesan adalah statement Christian Gonzales ketika ditanya kesannya menjadi pemain naturalisasi dan warga negara Indonesia . Dengan bahasa Indonesia yang terpatah2 dia menjawab “naturalisasi apa? saya orang Indonesia” (yah kurang lebih gitulah saya lupa persisnya :p).

So while the other “squidward” complaining and whining about Indonesia. Our timnas have done their best to Indonesia. those squidward should be ashamed. Jangan pernah malu jadi orang Indonesia, if you want to see the change just simply “be the change you want to see in our country” trust me whining, complaining, mocking, proud of other countries won’t help us to get better. Kalau kalian begitu membanggakan negara lain, kenapa gak apply jadi warga negara di negara yang kalian banggakan itu?

Memang ada satu stasiun televisi yang ganggu banget kelebay an nya menyiarkan berita timnas ini. dan to be honest, seperti cari muka saja mereka ini. Tapi terlepas  dari itu semua, Timnas has stole the attention. Apakah ini pengalihan issue ? guess what i dont fucking care. Semakin banyak orang yang cinta Indonesia, saya yakin bisa berdampak positif pada negara cantik yang sedang terluka ini.

so issue mengenai, Gayus, Century Gate, Monarki di Jogjakarta, FPI, Ahmadiyah , dst yang berpotensi besar memecah belah masyarakat kita sekarang seperti tersapu sejenak oleh Sepakbola. Dan hebatnya bukan Piala Dunia, Copa Italia, English Premiere League atau Piala Champion, tapi oleh AFF Suzuki Championship yang bertaraf Asia Tenggara, dan bangganya perhatian itu sepenuhnya tertuju ke Timnas kita dengan skor sempurna tak pernah kalah (sampai malam ini) . :)

Unity in Diversity, raise and reborn due to football… so simple. then I suggest the chairman of PSSI should stepdown (or fired). otherwise this euphoria that could enhance our nationalism could be discontinue.

it doesnt matter if Malaysia could beat us tonight, we still have 29 in GBK.  And if we still cant make it, its okay …this is such a good achievement. Go to final, with perfect scores. if Malaysia win, let it be . they dont have recidivist chairman on their football association. They dont have poor caretaker, and I admit it they sell tickets much better than PSSI.

with the chaotic inside PSSI, we should proud of Firman Utina dkk for bring Indonesia reach such as achievement. and Alfred Riedl for accomodate this dream (almost) come true :D .

Last but not least : Terimakasih untuk kembali “mempersatukan” bangsa Indonesia.

I am proud of Timnas … and I am proud to become Indonesian.

 

sometimes i think God never listen to my prayer, or maybe God listen but God never take them for granted.

Then i know, maybe God just give me a lesson, a very valuable lesson of “letting go”

i’ve learnt about letting go always in the hardest way,  witnessing with my very eyes my loved one choosing someone else instead of me. watching someone else live in my dream and not even feel grateful for that, and many more.

then i know along this time i never realy letting go, but just simply turn my back on them, ignore them but feel the grudge still eating my heart inside. thats not good, not at all.

maybe this is just the right time to really letting go, wishing for their happiness no matter it hurts my heart.

well my ex once said : “some things are just never meant to be no matter how much we wish they were” he referred to his failure back at 4 years ago.

i know he’s right this time, i know it…

and for now, maybe or almost for sure i have to learn about letting go in another hardest way. thats my fate thats my destiny, i must faced it and take it with arms wide open.

well God i hope you make it not so difficult this time amen to that …

 

i dont mean to being such as ungrateful person. i am thanking God for everything, my family, my job, my friends…

something change, i have no more appetite on the things i use to enjoyed. like movies or books.  I watch movies because my friends want to go there, i read books because i have nothing else to do.

i am no longer in love with him, feel nothing whenever he called or beg for my attention. i used to feel our forbidden love is the most challenging thing that i was about to give up. but now i see it as stupid mistake ever.

but i do envy him, who could runaway from the mess of his life. who think nothing but chasing his own liberty and freedom.

the worst, small house by the beach, our cute dogs, me waiting him in the porch, having cold beer in the evening and smoke my menthol cigarette are no longer my dream … dream that never come true. i see it as irrational thing ever exist. who wants to live in remote area with him?? not me

last time he snapped, i never replied his email nor pick up phone calls from him. he said “who are you? i barely know you” and guess what i just dont care

dont care at all

maybe i am just tired, maybe i am just wake up. too many dreams too many and too much dramas in my life which i cannot handle it no more.

why oh why life is not so simple lately.

i do enjoy my new job, new assignment, new colleagues they are so friendly and nice.

but why ??? when my enthusiasm is back my family just tore a part. like chandelier dropped in the floor…

family gathering in Malang which use to be scandalous and juicy thats something which might never happen in next upcoming years.

my brothers they will grow up in very difficult situation, and i am really desperate with my core of life : my family

would it be better ? would it be worst or remain unchanged

this uncertainty really draw my emotion. i am mentally tired.

how come i am not enjoy welcoming weekend.

financial limitation is suck

and trouble in family goes with it.

somebody let us down for so many times, sometimes i think that somebody just pour the responsibility to my glass … indirectly.

my head is about to explode.. its overwhelmed its overrated and i hate that

i am not going to runaway not planning it too… my family is the reason for me to keep going.  I am just mentally tired till i dont know who am i

God your trial really kick my ass … just give me your hand to help me..

 

 

 

whoa seems like forever since i updated my last blog :)

i just had my birthday last october, cant believe im 28 and feel nothing special about it, just another birthday .. getting older and so on.

no special celebration, no candles, no cakes, no present …wait my bff gave me batik’ dress and i love it.

never cross in my mind that my 28 years would be soo difficult . so many things happened and leave no room for me to breathe. im trying to see it from different point of view, seeking advices from so many heads, and found nothing but nothing.

these are God’s trials … trials that i have to pass. the tickets to a new level …

maybe i am not mature enough, maybe im self-centered …God only knows

wish me luck ..

i will try .. at least try to survive .. no pain no gain >> you will more appreciate the happiness after the misery

storm will end, rain will stop , nothing lasts forever, there will be solutions and i just have to find it soon … real soon.

all i can say “dear problems, my God is bigger than you”

SEMANGAT!!!!!!

 

 

bwuahahaha, mr apple ipad … i just met him yesterday.. yes he and his couple. they seem happy .. cute :)

i wrote this note below, around ummm 4 months ago.. first sight in the lobby then my friend simply introduce us.. then three of us end up had a coffe.. and his first line to me was “what time is it?” bwuahahaha err not too mentioned the way he looked at my brand new odm watch * man it is a present from my bestfriend

=====================================================

“bukalah hatimu, bukalah sedikit untukku ..” Sepenggal lagu dari salah satu band melayu yang akhir akhir ini terngiang di kuping gue. Mungkin lo berpikiran ga keren banget ya gue, bukannya dengerin the killers malahan dengerin armada. Ya yang replay terus di kepala gue itu, mau dibilang apa. Eniwei, I know that all my friends is trying so hard to let me out from this hole. My past hole, which only consist of one person, the one and only, the legendary, the ungrateful, the jerk, consist of three letter words.  Well I am now in the stage of hopeless, no not hopeless but effortless. I am tired to be disappointed and being left for someone else. While all my friends think that I just cant forget my ex (damn, they make a point actually) Last night one of my friend introduce me to his friend, first impression : dry Second : arrogant Third : awkwardly silent Fourth : don’t know how to start a conversation Fifth : he didn’t ask me back when I ask him something The conclusion : its not going to work!! But I don’t know why, I don’t know why, I can not forget him. His arrogance somehow kick me and maybe that’s called karma. Been turning off the arrogant men during my life, throw whatever lines that could slap their face. And now I cant get this arrogant man out of my head. Not too mentioned he seems not interested to me…at all! Oh I don’t know what to do, even my friend who introduce me not interested to him and decide to kick him out. And I can say nothing but silent. I don’t know whether our meeting yesterday would be the first and the last ? God only know… Maybe not like me, he is now cursing last night for such an unpleasant moment. Or wishing the girl who introduce to him not me, but one of my friend. Maybe he now forget about last nite, and think that it was just unimportant which could be wash away easily. Oh I don’t know, my heart and my mind wishing the opposite. And I have my pride just too high to admit that I do have feeling to him, although just the small one. Oh the earth wont stop moving even I feel so worthless and lifeless… Maybe in less than a week I will forget him, oh God let it be :)

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